


Strings

by Coldfrenchfries



Series: pilots [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition
Genre: Gen, Kaworu's going through it, M/M, Time Travel, let these kids be okay dang it, not full of heavy stuff dw they've been through enough, or references related to time travel, time loops aren't a metaphor for mental illness what are you talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29448927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldfrenchfries/pseuds/Coldfrenchfries
Summary: Kaworu still hasn't totally recovered from being a temporary time traveler. Thankfully, there's people to help him out this time.
Relationships: Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Series: pilots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163150
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	Strings

**Author's Note:**

> ayy look I'm back at with Eva lol. So a couple things before we start, this story is a parallel/continuation of my Asuka/mari thing from back in January so same rules apply here. The kids are grown up in this cause fuck the curse of Eva that's wack. Also this plays into the time loop theory since I'm a huge sucker for time travel stories. so yeah give me feedback on this lol

Kaworu didn’t notice the violin string breaking. He didn’t hear the sound as it bounced off the walls. He didn’t open his eyes when it snapped. If it wasn’t for the pain stinging a part of his hand, he maybe wouldn’t have noticed it at all. 

Kaworu, despite being an angel, could feel pain. Even if he had felt much worse over the years, it still hurt. Annoyed, he opened his eyes and lowered his instrument, where a violin string was snapped in half, broken awkwardly right in the middle. 

He looked at his injury and stared at the cut. It wasn’t enough to cause him to bleed if he squeezed his skin maybe, but he wasn’t stupid enough to do that. He could worry about his injury later, for now, he had to fix the violin. It was a gift given to him years ago. The thought of his present being broken, even if it could be fixed again one day, made him nauseous for some reason. 

He got up from his chair and searched around the room for any spare strings. It was quiet in the apartment without his music and maybe a lifetime ago he would have enjoyed the silence. Now, it was just an excuse for memories from different timelines to fill in the gaps in his head. 

Even if the realities had been abandoned, completely and totally erased from existence to him, they lived on. In his head, in his heart, all repeating the same mistakes. It was a problem he couldn’t fix no matter how many angles he took. 

It felt like the days were always going to be the same. In some loops, he wondered why he was even trying anymore. If the curse of time couldn’t be broken, if the other pilots were destined to slip away as they fought to find their purpose in a world that never saw them as children in the first place, if everything was going to be the same- why even try at all? 

Those days… Weren’t exactly the best. 

Kaworu sighed and went through another drawer. 

He didn’t like sad stories. 

Thankfully though, this wasn’t one. 

Despite everything, the curse did break. He found an angle that worked, and things did somewhat turn out okay. He’ll spare you the details, since remembering the timelines got a bit messy in his head if he tried explaining it for too long. Just they were alive, all of them. 

In books, that would’ve been where the story ended. The characters got their ending and could live happily in their imaginary blissfulness forever. And although Kaworu did have his days of blissful happiness more often now than he did when he was fifteen, he was still terrified. 

Oh god was he terrified. The number of times he woke up in the middle of the night screaming for Shinji proved it. He would wake up in a panic and would think this was a timeline where he failed. The timelines where Shinji was even more broken than before, the ones where Asuka was still in unit 02 screaming for her mother; the ones where Rei died over and over just to return as if it was nothing. 

Sometimes, he dreamed of a red sea and blood scattering across the night sky as Shinji screamed for someone to help him. He didn’t remember any specific loop where that happened, but it made him sick when he thought about Shinji being all alone. 

Even if this time wasn’t a failure, he was scared that he was going to be back where he started. He was scared that this shred of happiness, this stupidly blissful life he had managed to make with Shinji was going to disappear. And he would have to try again. 

The room was spinning and his mind was becoming jumbled with too many thoughts. He covered his eyes with his hands as bile crept up his throat. He tried, he really tried to remind himself that his life wasn’t going to go anywhere but his mind didn’t seem ready to cooperate. Which left him to become a shaken mess. 

“Fuck…” He gasped. 

Before he could fully fall apart, there was a knock at the door. After some time, he heard the door open, and he momentarily cursed himself for not locking it hours ago. Kaworu soon found himself in the company of a familiar girl. 

He forced a kind smile. “Oh hello, Ayanami.”

Even after all this time, Rei was still as shy as ever. “Hello,” She muttered quietly before she tucked a loose strand of blue hair behind her ear. She had started growing it out recently, it was long enough to the point she had to put up hair clips just to keep it from falling in front of her face. Kaworu thought it looked nice on her. 

She looked down at the brown shopping bag in her hands. “I… I arrived for the dinner party. I brought food, but it seems none of the other guests are here.” 

Kaworu’s smile was genuine. Right, they were all having a little dinner party, even Asuka was coming… Even if Mari had to convince her. 

“It’s alright, Ayanami. You can go put it in the fridge, I’m sure Shinji and the others will be home soon.” 

Rei nodded and turned around, once again leaving him alone. He calmed down enough to join her in the kitchen, and there he bandaged his hand. 

Rei noticed his injury and frowned. “Did something happen?” She asked. 

“Oh, it’s nothing, just a string on my violin broke and it hit my hand when it did.” 

She nodded again. “May I see it?” 

“What, the violin?” 

“...Yes. I used to play with Shinji, so I know how to fix it.” 

“Oh, sure go ahead… I was looking for spare strings earlier.” 

Rei went along into his room and searched through the drawers without making much noise. Kaworu had followed her in and was waiting on the bed, all while trying to force non-existent realities out of his head. 

“Were you remembering something again, Nagisa?” She asked eventually. 

Kaworu’s eyes widened. “How did you know?”

“You were shaking when I arrived, you seemed frightened.” 

Rei was the only one who knew most of what he had gone through. Well besides Shinji of course. (It took him a while to believe it, since being a time traveler was apparently more insane than being an _angel_. Still, though, Shinji believed his story. Rei believed him instantly for some reason.)

Kaworu looked up at the ceiling, “I was fine, just when it’s quiet… You know. Stuff happens.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be, I’m feeling better now… Just still a bit shaken up.” 

Honestly, he’d feel better if Shinji were home right about now. The thought of just being with him, even if they were having company, made him relax instantly. 

Rei returned with his violin in her hand, it looked perfectly new. “...Would you like me to play something for you?” She looked at the bandage around his hand, “You’re injured and I’ve been told it can be relaxing to listen every once in a while.” 

_So_ , he thought, _is this her way of trying to help me feel better? Reminds me of him._

He smiled at the thought and nodded. “Sure, Ayanami.” 

Rei had the tiniest hint of a smile on her face before she cleared her throat. “Any requests?” 

“Shinji told me you’ve been making original pieces lately, is that right?” 

He could have sworn something lit up in her eyes. 

“I have… Would you like to hear one?” 

“Of course.” 

  
Hours later, it was loud enough to fill in any silent gap. Asuka was babbling about something while having Mari’s arm slung around her shoulder. Rei seemed like she was listening, judging from the way she nodded every once in a while and added in a comment.

And as much as Kaworu wanted to say something, maybe annoy Asuka for the hell of it, the opportunity gave him a chance to slip away. He soon found himself in the kitchen where Shinji was still cooking. If they weren’t still Eva pilots, he would encourage him to open up a restaurant.

Kaworu slipped his hands around Shinji’s waist and kissed his cheek. He couldn’t help but smile when pink stained his face. 

“What was that for?” He asked. 

God, the smile in his voice… See, this is why Kaworu kept going. 

“Nothing, just love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

It took Shinji years to be able to say it without any trace of fear in his voice. Like Kaworu, he was afraid of losing everything too. _I love you_ felt like a promise… One that could be broken if given in the wrong hands. 

Kaworu would never do that to him, never in a million years. And he knew Shinji wouldn’t either. 

He closed his eyes and took in this moment. Those memories were in the past, and that’s all they were. Memories. Nothing physical, nothing that could hurt them right now. 

He told Shinji about his afternoon with Rei, and let the past stay in the past. The present they made for themselves was right here, he didn’t need to relive anything for now. 


End file.
